The Muse

I wasnt feeling right ( antonym of wrong ) these couple of days. I could not help myself to feel glommy and not cheery the whole day. Perhaps the thought of enrolling into some junior foundation course really scares me, besides the fact that I'm doing one year extra. Its just too fast a decision, and it happens too soon. It was just like yesterday that the 'fond' memories of teasing weewee/tongtong being overaged, kept appearing in my clouds of thoughts. Grr. Definately not a doting feeling. People suggested that maybe I should lied about going student exchange for a year, nahh, it wont work. Alternatively, I could just dont make any friends at all. But then again, whose gonna help me out on my assignments? To make it worst, what if one day my boyfriend dont want me anymore? I'll be the saddest piece of .... ever, I swear. Afterall, I'm not even sure if this particular reason is my biggest concern. Perhaps its just sad to leave my home comfort, eg no more ever-ready-laundry.

I'm feeling like a standard one again. The rejection of going to school, in my case, going again. Paranoia. Possibly because too long of a spoonfed life at home and of course the feeling of '' repeater'' ( my version, loser ) sucks big time. *SULKS*

And so, I'm going down KL tomorrow to be officially enrolled as SEGi student. A year12 student. ( gawd, not again... ) -_-"

Moving on. I drove today. P stickers, checked. Dad, checked. Car keys, checked. There I go accelerating to get my satays at SatayZul ( come on, where else? ) Being a smartass, I actually realized that I forgot my license. So I made a turn back. I therefore, came home in one whole piece, with my dad, my satays and the car. Just so you know, its my mom's car that I drove.

Moments of truth came early today. I knew it long ago but I opt to ignore. It is not true that I felt the same way you do, but I do expect slightly more, just slightly. Words you said were indirectly pretty harsh and hurting. I clearly understand that you were just trying to clarify your feelings and so on, I wasnt angry at all, really. Things I said were out of my sanity, and you know it is workable. Moreover it favours you most of the time. Please dont say I dont feel a thing, I felt it hell more than you do, plainly because it came out from my own mouth. Okay? I never thought that I would be a burden, I never want to be one. Not to you especially. I'm happy when you are happy. Please dont worry about me anymore, I'm a big girl now.

Still loving you, xoxo.